Review
Between my first and second draft, I had finally figured out how to pull the weeds in my essay. Before I had revised my essay, I had a few sentences that made no sense. I had mention the weight of a bumper - completely unnecessary, although still on topic. To me, it seemed fine to have parts like that. I thought I was putting in some of my voice, but it was just boring reading through it. When I was getting critiqued, it was pointed out that those parts were somewhat boring and were confusing. When revising, I pulled out the sentences, and tried to rewrite them in a way that was beneficial, or I just pulled them out when I didn't need to say anything else.
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Colin Kirkpatrick
Essay prompt
Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? Colleges I am applying to - Weber state university - Pueblo community college - Colorado State University Pueblo - Lincoln Technical Institute |
One pop, two pop, three and four. Right away, my dad and I start placing bets to see how long it is going to take us to replace the radiator. One bet of four hours, another bet of something going wrong, and needing to hold off. The clock starts ticking, and my hand weighs down on the breaker bar. Bolts break free, and my hands darken with dirt. “Front bumper is already off, captain. We can get to the radiator.” A few more bolts broken loose, and the leaky radiator dangles down with the ac condenser alongside. The smell of grease, dirt and coolant are beginning to hide as if it were part of the normal air I breath. Before what seemed like fifteen minutes had started to pass, the campus police had come to check up on us. While our work was halted, time had caught back up, “We’ve been here for an hour?”
If you sat me down with a tool box, and a repair hungry vehicle, I probably wouldn’t get back to you for the rest of the day. If you look under the hood of your car, what do you see? Do you see a mess? Would you be willing to dig down, and fix everything yourself? I am. I see a maze of a kid’s placemat at a restaurant under the hood. Where do I go from the start to reach the exit - The part I am trying to replace? Just like the kid at the table, I find myself enjoying every part of that maze, dirt and all. The workers in my head had succumb to the hypnotic repetition of turning the ratchet. Before I knew it, we were installing the new radiator, “hose clamps sir. We are going to need the locking pliers to keep them open,” Once the radiator was back in place, and the ac condenser reseated as well - the hypnotic wrenching starts over. One, two, three, and four. One after the other, bolts go down, “Radiator is bolted down. Time to put the front bumper back on, and don’t forget to plug in the lights,” With the car back together, the watch on my wrist got heavy, and the temptation to look at the time took over, “We were out here for three hours? What?!” bets forgotten in the amazement at the time we had made. Whenever I feel the need to learn more, I want to pop the hood, and pull everything apart just so I can put it all together. With very few chances coming up, I can’t constantly be replacing parts. If I were to go to college, I would be able to be in the maze almost every day. At college, I would learn ways to break down the walls, and move past the dead ends. The dark passages wouldn’t be so dark, and I could adventure deeper each day. I would have the know how to open the motor, and complete the work that I am currently frightened to do. As my crayon is pressed into that paper maze, my focus increases. I get lost in a different world, instantly. Time becomes nothing, and a desire to learn explodes all over the walls. There is so much to take in every time I get to work. It is something I understand. I feel at home when I am covered in dirt, oil, and grease. Curiosity takes over. I want to know how the dinosaur fed beasts work. Vehicles are a beautiful maze with many exits - Each one taking me back to the beginning. I hope I never find the exit that leads out. |